Monday, September 28, 2009

Grumble grizzle grouch

Sandy has outrageously suggested I update my blog. I guess that's what a blog's for - blogging.

Life's really boring, yet overwhelming.

I feel exhausted more often than I feel energised and it's mainly due to coping with pain and muscle tension radiating from osteoarthritis in my neck. At the end of a day all I want to do is sit in my lounge chair with my feet up and my head resting back so my neck can have some relief. But that doesn't get dinner on the table, teenagers to wherever it is they need to go, clothes washed, dried and folded or any of the myriad of little things that make a household run.

I was about to write that I don't have time for much, but the truth is that I have time but no energy. At times I'm teetering on depression, but it passes, which is just as well. To find the time to attend counselling is nigh on impossible - that sort of time I don't have! I live in a town where it takes 3 weeks to make a doctor's appointment, so I don't bother. Heck, finding time to schedule a haircut is tricky. Like I said, that sort of time I don't have. The time I have is in between picking up and dropping off, after dinner time. And I don't use it well because I want to rest my neck and and shoulders and feel sorry for myself which gets me nowhere!

My Zinny and my Davey continue to be great reasons to get out of bed every morning and continue to put one foot in front of the other. They get my humour, they think I'm funny in a nice way, and are accepting of the fact that I'm also funny in an odd way!

I'm often feeling a bit snarky at the world and that makes me feel snarky at myself. I could blog about my snarkiness, but I hate that I feel that way. I want to see the best in people and I'm disappointed that I'm not quite up to it right now. Sometimes I feel as though I'm a festering pool of negativity.

You never know though, tomorrow I might wake up feeling well rested with no pain in the neck. It happens some days.

Did you really want the update Sandy?

I miss being whatever I was before I felt like this all the time.


  1. That Sandy -- she's such a pest sometimes. I've felt her foot in my a@@ a few times myself.

    I'm sure it's no surprise to you to know that I have felt the same way as you, psychically if not physically. In fact, I've written about it, and probably not that long ago.

    It's hard, this post-widowhood thing: We're not lost in a morass of grief, but we're not on an even keel either. We no longer define ourselves by our loss, but we haven't found ourselves yet.

    It's hard. It's discouraging. No wonder we teeter on the edge of depression.

    Hugs to you, my sister-friend. Hugs and understanding.

  2. I've got a big foot and long legs . . . I can kick over long distances!

    Okay, Miss Snarkiness . . . snark away. Remember this blog was to share about the real you? The one where you didn't have to put on false pretenses? The one where you didn't have to make things seem all peachy-keen?

    The real you may not be doing great. But life isn't always great either. Unfortunately. You've got a club of followers who care and want to know how you're doing . . . snarkiness and all. We may not be able to make it better, but we can listen. And for the most part, we understand.

    So yes, while this isn't the update I want for you, I'm glad you still shared an update. And please don't leave us hanging like that again. Next time I'll have to get my stick out.

    Big, big hugs.