Thursday, October 1, 2009

Churning thoughts, elusive sleep.

I couldn't sleep last night. There was no particular reason, there were just too many thoughts demanding attention that popped to the surface of consciousness each time I was about to slide into slumber. To combat their attention seeking, at 4 am I picked up a pen and paper and wrote them all down, in the hope I would sleep knowing I could continue worrying about them when I woke, because they were written down.

Here they are:

What should I put in Davey's lunch box tomorrow?

Where should we go camping in the holidays? (2 weeks holidays begin this weekend.)
Will the bushfires prevent us camping in several possible sites?
Have I taken anything out of the camping equipment tub and not replaced it?

Where will I leave our dogs while we're away?
Are their vaccinations up to date? I can't remember, but I don't remember having them vaccinated this year, and I'm sure I would if I had! Did I ignore the reminder from the vet? Where did I put it? Is there a horrible pile of paperwork hidden somewhere? Are my dogs suffering too much from lack of consistent exercise? Bugger that husband of mine for dying. Even the dogs are missing out.

Will we be able to light a fire if we go camping? Is it worth going if we can't?

What should I put in Davey's lunchbox tomorrow?

I have to pick up our car from the panel beaters, have I set the alarm early enough? Will I still have time to make something for Davey's lunch?

Should I buy the little manual car we looked at for Zinni so she can learn to drive a manual? Is it too expensive? Can I afford it? Will I find a reliable car cheaper than $1800? Do I need to have a mechanic look at it? Why? I know what an engine should sound like! I know what rust looks like! Would Matt (mechanic, nephew, 21 years old) mind looking at it for me? Would it make him feel important, loved, needed, or just annoyed? If I don't buy this car, how will Zinni ever learn to drive a manual? Am I an idiot? Is the car good value?

Should I be concerned about the assessment changes mooted by Zinni's school for her final year? Will it adversely affect her? Will it positively affect her?

Will I keep this car after Zinni leaves home so Davey can learn to drive a manual? How will I run 2 cars? Am I an idiot?

Why can't I remember to trim the dog's nails more frequently? Why don't I bath them more often? Because I'm an idiot?

Why can't I go to sleep?

What am I going to give Davey for lunch tomorrow?

What am I going to talk about in Sunday's children's sermon? Why did I take this on? Will I be able to organise someone to do the talk for the middle Sunday of the holidays? Should I just do both talks?

Will we go to the Global Carnival on Sunday? Can I afford that and a new car? If I don't go will I hate myself for missing this fabulous music festival? Gee it's annoying that I'm stuck doing the children's sermon when I'd rather be getting to the Global Carnival early. Will Davey be ok to go to the Carnival after paintballing on Saturday? Did I do the right thing agreeing to let him go paintballing? Will he enjoy it?

Will Zinni cope with ex Prince Charming be there? Why did he turn out to be such a toad? Why can't I stop wanting his mother to see she's a total idiot? Why do I care? Still?

Why haven't I contacted Monica for the anniversary of her husband's death? I'm a lousy friend. I hope she's ok. I suspect she's not. Life is difficult for her - so many things to juggle.

Why don't I go to bed earlier? Why is Zinni so noisy when she goes to bed? Why am I unable to sleep until Zinni goes to bed? Why am I unable to go to sleep after Zinni goes to bed? I am an idiot.

What am I going to give Davey for lunch tomorrow? Will I have time to pack my own lunch?

I churned over many other topics, but, these were the ones I wrote down!

As the sun came up I did succeed in finding sleep.


  1. My brain hurts just reading all this. I hate nights like that, when the wheels won't stop spinning --- and it's particularly annoying because the spinning wheels don't actually get you anywhere.

    What DID you give Davey for lunch?

  2. Davey got a peanut butter roll - the old fall back. He's requested no more of them though as I keep the rolls in the freezer and if they're not thawed properly before going in his lunchbox they go soggy. This one didn't go soggy, however I'm told it tasted bad! It probably means the bread rolls have been in the freezer too long. He also had a chocolate muffin that was a little on the stale side, but edible. It was food. Today he will have hommus dip, peta bread & carrot and celery sticks.

  3. I hate nights like that.

    I've always heard that if you write it all down, then it is out of your brain and you can actually go to sleep. Maybe I'll try it next time.

    So much to think about. So many decisions to make. All on your own. Hmmmpf.