I have joy. But fun?

Thanks for the love - a little makes a lot of difference!

I sat in beautiful sunshine on the soccer sidelines this morning, all snuggled up in a scarf and warm jacket, and contemplated things.

One of them being just how many people piss me off. And hankering after an easy life. I'm just worn down by keeping up ya know? I think it's because of that, when people want me to explain my reason for every damn thing I do or don't do, I feel so exasperated.

I have a few good friends who don't need explanations. They know I have thought-out reasons for most things. I'm like that. It's the people who don't really know me who want explanations I don't want to give. Like the people I work with. I don't dislike them as people, though I don't enjoy working with them, and they're just not on my wave length. They have different life values and motivations, so even if I do explain my reasons to them, they don't understand. One day I'm going to ask them if they feel I don't approve of stuff they do, and I know the answer will be no, because I go out of my way to offer support for they choices they make, for they are their choices. I wish they'd offer me the same consideration.

The parents of my son's soccer team are in the same category, so I choose to sit separately so their sideline conversations don't annoy me. (He's playing for a different club this year, and I'm really missing the parents from his old team.) That way at least I enjoy being outdoors with nothing more to do than watch.

That's something I really dislike about the way offices are organised. I can't sit separately and just get on with stuff. In my old job I really enjoyed the people I worked with. Sigh. I wish I had other options. This IS the option if have chosen and it remains the best option for me and my teenagers, and I know it won't be like this forever, but there are days... There are days I hanker after a different life. An easier life. A less responsible life.