Monday, December 6, 2010

Lack of grief empathy.

Since I'm quite sure I no longer have readers, I feel quite safe in saying that I am going to scream at the next person who tells me they feel life is hardly worth living now that their 90+ year old parent has died. Their 90+ year old parent who has been ill for some time.

A woman told me on the weekend that you don't become an adult until you are an orphan.

Well, I'm no orphan but I sure as hell feel like an adult.

All three women I know in this category have husbands, adult children, good incomes, lavish houses and a complete lack of sympathy from me. Though I do try and say the right things before I excuse myself from the conversation.


  1. That kind of dramatic proclaiming is sheerest self-indulgence. Of course you're going to miss your parent, but 'life is not worth living'?? Melodramatic posturing, pure and simple.

    I disapprove of those who say to the grieving one, "They wouldn't have wanted you crying". Well, that's just dumb. I should hope that at my funeral, my children will be grieving. There is nowhere more appropriate to tears. For heaven's sakes.

    But at the same time, if my children were running around declaring that life as they knew it had ended with my demise (at the end of a long life), I'd feel that I'd missed the mark as a parent, producing kids who were so ill-equipped to deal with a normal, though sad, life event.

  2. This song really encouraged and helped me this year. Take a listen.

    I have an encouragement blog you might want to visit some time.

  3. God has been the difference in my own life during times of loneliness, heartbreak, and pain. I know too well what it means of not getting encouraged by others and the hurt that comes from that. I've found that only God always offer encouragement and hope, much better than any human can offer. I can only imagine how it feels to be widowed. I have the taste of having a soul tie broken- I've gotten dumped in the past and it's hurt me so much in the past. The Bible teaches that a sexual relationship (whether marital or premarital) results in the man and woman becoming one (a soul tie). Rejection and abandonment are all painful things. King Solomon said that everything in this world is vanity, everything is meaningless- a chasing after the wind. Eventually whatever we gain in this world (relationships, success, wealth), we lose them all at some point. There is something you can never lose though- God. God surpasses everything in our lives. Our thirsting for things in this world (especially human relationships) is evidence that we need something greater than those things to satisfy us because everything except God will end up failing you in some way. God has promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. God can't die on us and leave us in a state of loneliness. God won't cheat on us, dump us and go off with someone else. Whenever you feel lonely or feel that you're missing something in your life- realize that God wants to fill that void in your life. So many times I've been ignorant about the Bible. We're trained from our birth to live by our 5 senses- thus we look to perceive God with those senses. Most of the time, we can't perceive God with our 5 senses as He is a spiritual being. God has wanted me to develop my spiritual senses and rely on His word (the Bible) to experience Him. I've learned to always see God's word as alive, powerful, and relevant for each day. When I've failed to see that in the past, it's robbed me so much joy and peace. I've learned to look at the Bible as a powerful and active gateway/portal to God. We can try to occupy our minds with so many different things in this world to try and fill the void in our lives or suppress the pain, but all of those things will keep us still hungry and thirsty. God has promised us that if we reach out to Him, He will give us rest, quench our thirst, and satisfy our hunger. If you haven't done that, I hope you will give God a chance. I further hope that God will use you to go and reach others with His word, just like He has used me to reach out to you. Many people in this world are hurting just like you. Many are just looking for a simple act of kindness or a word of encouragement (words are powerful- they can heal and motivate or when used in an evil manner destroy others) which they don't receive from others. Ultimately, many even end their own lives because they feel hopeless and want to end their pain of torment- all because they've failed to see God was nearby all along and they failed to perceive Him with their spiritual senses. God loves you more than any human in this world! He wants to be your companion today and take care of you and your family's needs. I hope you see and explore His love for you today through the Bible- the Bible is the secret source for unraveling peace and joy for you when you can't find them in this world. I can't give you physical copy of the Bible right now, but you can freely access it online at ( May God bless you, heal you and strengthen you and your family. Continue to write and help others for His glory. Claim God's promises to you from His word today. Humans will likely fail to encourage you when you really need it, however, God won't fail. All you need to do is turn to His word. It is available 24/7 whenever you need it- to experience God. Please read these verses when you get the chance- Jeremiah 49:11; Psalm 146:9; Psalm 68:5; Isaiah 54:4-6; Revelation 21:1-7